is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
