Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
