Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
