happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
