the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
