just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
