Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
