the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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