you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize