dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
