You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
