i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
