YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
