Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
