The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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