Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
