I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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