id be glad to
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
