i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
