I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize