You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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