Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
