Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
