as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
