WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
