The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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