So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
