i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
