I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
