in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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