Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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