broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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