If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
