While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Rumble strips road head = magical
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
