how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
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