Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
