he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
