I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
