Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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