if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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