thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
