dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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