...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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