As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
