I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
