I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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