i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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