i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize