Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
