my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
