Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
