She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
