You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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