Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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