He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
