Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
