i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
