ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
