party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
