so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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