I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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