the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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