he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
