1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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