MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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