WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Randomize
