The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You left your phone here
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