Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
