think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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