I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
MIDGETS
????
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
