So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
