Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
