Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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