Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
