everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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