someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He passed out mid-signature
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize