He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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