my phone needs a breathalizer
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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