WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
