Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
