somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
