just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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