I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
