Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
