clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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