just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize