shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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