Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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