I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Randomize
