Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
