tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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