i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
