lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
