Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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