when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
