I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize