So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize