dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
