you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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