he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
