My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
