we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
