i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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