Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
