he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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