I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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