Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
