My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize