meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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