You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
