i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Randomize
