Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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