Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Two words: nipple clamps
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