i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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