I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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